So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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