All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
