your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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