you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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