you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
