sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
