i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
