I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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