ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
