Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
