I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
