Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
