i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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