Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
