Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
