i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
