hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ttyl tear gas
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
