im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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