Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
