my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize