He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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