It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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