If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
