I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
