I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
