You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
