I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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