I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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