I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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