I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize