Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
