Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
