yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
