Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
