My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
