we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
