im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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