Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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