It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
