i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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