I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
