Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
