You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
