The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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