You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
