It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
