i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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