Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
