I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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