With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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