Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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