I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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