Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
