you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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