she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
