My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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