Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
