i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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