I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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