How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
