woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
