If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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