I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
