why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize